I had mentioned I had my first mammogram screening on my most recent vlog that I posted on Saturday but that really wasn’t the whole story. Sometimes I feel like my infertility shenanigans is a script for a new comedy on NBC or maybe MTV’s “Punked” is back and I am on the latest episode.
My relationship with pregnancy tests is almost comical now. Forget “love/hate,” we are purely not on speaking terms anymore. My mammogram was scheduled for 1:20pm last Friday. I arrived early at 1:00pm to fill out any additional information needed. I was checked in and moved to the imaging department quickly. I was asked to sign a form that said something to the effect of understanding the risks of doing X-rays and that I was not pregnant. I was actually one day late with my period and told the administration “Listen, I am sure I am not pregnant, I am on my fourth round of IVF, I can’t tell you FOR SURE that I am not pregnant right this second, but I can tell you that I AM PRETTY SURE I AM NOT.” She said we don’t have pregnancy tests here, why don’t you go and buy one and then come back so we know for sure. Why they don’t have pregnancy tests on hand is beyond me but I guess that would be too easy.
I left and drove to the nearest drug store. I decided to buy the First Response Gold Digital test, I didn’t need to be reading lines, I just wanted YES or NO. I was thrilled that I bought a digital, I was going up in the ranks of testing, no little crappy lines for me baby, I am BIG time with a digital. I take the test back to the hospital, luckily I had been sipping on my extra large ice tea so I was ready to get this over with. I have to mention it’s just as creepy taking a pregnancy test in a stall as it is giving yourself injections, been there done that. There is something just so unnatural and dirty about not being at home testing or injecting.
I stood in the stall thinking, how weird would it be if I was just hanging out at the sink with my pregnancy test on the counter waiting…..???? I mean let’s put some class on this, so I stayed in the stall waiting for a YES or NO. I had left the box in the car as I was trying to be discrete about all this testing nonsense. Waiting……Waiting…….Come ON…..I thought this was a mac daddy test?
And then this happened…….
The eye pads are for all the stress that these pregnancy tests create. I thought I would give you a laugh with my raw, uncensored, no makeup craziness. As you can see girls, IVF makes you crazy so the formula to get out alive is to have a little fun, embrace your crazy out of control hormones and know, this too shall pass.
How and why do I keep getting defined by a question mark?????? Or as I keep being told, “Your infertility is unexplained.” I stood there thinking, where’s the camera that is going to catch my reaction to this ridiculous question mark? I had left the box in the car with the other test so I had no idea what this question mark meant nor could I take the other test. I looked it up on my IPad and you guess it, ERROR. Not only do I have “unexplained infertility,” failed cycle after failed cycle, I now have a QUESTION MARK? I love when you are being annoying to someone and they tell you the oldest phrase in the book: “You drive me to drink.” Well, I can tell you that my relationship with pregnancy tests drives me to drink lots of expensive champagne. As my husband would say: “Oh so it’s the pregnancy tests fault?”
I went back out to the desk to explain the situation which was annoying as other
people men sat listening. I rescheduled my mammogram for this morning. I want to get past the last stressful test and put IVF #1-#3 behind us.
Our new chapter starts this week flying out to our new clinic and starting IVF #4. I can’t wait to keep looking forward and not be defined by a question mark or my previous failed IVF cycles.
Love to you girls and KTF (Keep the Faith).